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Top 10 Ways Climbing the Modern Social Ladder

Social Networking

Nowadays climbing up a social ladder is defined by how many friends you have on Facebook, how many followers you have on Twitter, how many blogs you run on the internet, how many birthday wishes you got when your birthday come around. Believe it or not, the times when being popular means you have lots of friends, great attitude and how successful you are in life is now fading over.

Virtual friends are the key to social success and it has been a vicious cycle of backstabbing and sweet talking. Thus, I would like to share with you the tips to become acceptable in this modern society:

Donald Trump for President

1. Pretend to be someone else. If you are just Tom, Dick or Harry this will not take you anywhere. Try pretending to be Donald Trump the President. Be arrogant, be over the top, and be powerful; even if it’s just by pretending to be one.

Lady Gaga Fashion

2. Weirdo is in. Or conventional people called it “sense of individuality”. To achieve it, you must be constantly committed in being a unique person; the easiest way is through fashion. Every time you dress up, ask yourself, “what Lady Gaga would wear?”

3. Participate in all social events; invitation is not really necessary. Especially when it is one of those social networking events. You will gain more followers and friends by attending these events. If you manage to be one of the organizers, it will be a bonus point!

Rich People

4. Splurge on expensive things. Money can’t buy happiness, but money can buy fake friends and thus buy you popularity that you seek for.

5. Stop working or appear like you are not working. Hanging up late at night with your friends even it’s a weekday. Remember, being popular is not without sacrifice even it is your sleep.

6. Regular doses of emotional breakdown. Try creating an imaginary scene where someone is doing bad things to you and trying expending your make believe story from there. Preferably to do in any of your social networking sites. Nothing screams popular other than superficial breakdown forever noted by your virtual friends.


7. Make yourself superior; always condescending others. It’s all about you. You must have opinions on ever thing that your friends said, lack of one will make you look like a noob (definition of noob: know little and have no will to learn any more).

8. Be good at something. Some people are expert in making jokes, singing, dancing, or when you realized that you are good at nothing, try bitching. People may love you or hate you, but the truth is, they can’t stop talking about you.

Cloud Girlfriend

9. Everyone is your best friend. (Refer to point 7).

10. Be a yes man. Especially when you are dealing with another person with a higher hierarchy of the social ladder. Be a good follower and perhaps the “Higher” will take you with him to the top.

Fake Friends

There you go, Top 10 (should be secrets, thank you) Ways Climbing the Modern Social Ladder. Caution: it might cost you few real friends, extreme fatigue, couples of backstabbing, sweat and tears and few “crazy” muttering by your virtual friends. No worries, keep the glitz and glamour life close to your heart and happy climbing! Cheers!

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Kayla said...

This is very interesting. I've been exploring the meaning of facebook lately, and there seems to be more than just the superficial idea of "connecting with your friends". I enjoy the crude humour of your writing, bluecrystaldude. Whatever happened to enjoying yourself through socializing without having the rest of the world know about it?
Facebook has created an entirely new form of socialization where it's okay to be an asshole, just submissively. I could see what Mark Zuckerberg wanted, and I can also tell that the reality is starting to veer off from his ideas. I appreciated your piece.

Anonymous said...

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