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The Middle Child War


The Middle East Child War

I could only found this picture that capture us all

Even before all the Middle East wars fuss, this war has long begun and forgotten. It seems like it never will ends. It is the greatest war of all time. When the second child is born, it slips into each family like a silent but deadly gas bomb. Before long you could be suffocated by it. Some may survive this war and will be remembered as a hero, some would be the greatest man of all time, while others will ends up being a psycho killer.

What do you feel if you are born as a middle child? A battle for conquest called “attention” and for some just for a “hard-to-earn love”. This is not a war that should be taken lightly. I always wonder why there is no book that being made about this war – not that I am aware off. If Sun Tzu able to make a book about Art of War centuries ago and still now is used as company strategies, I am sure I could use some help on the art of middle child war...


Growing up as a middle child can make the youngster feel like they go unnoticed by his parents. The oldest children are held in high esteem due to their accomplishments while the youngest are coddled and babied. The middle child may feel as if he has to struggle just to get noticed. Parents tend to expect more from their youngest and oldest children as it may be difficult for them to define their expectations for the middle child.

The middle child may also constantly compare themselves to the other siblings, especially the older ones. He may seek interests in different areas that will allow them to stand apart from their elder. This attention-seeking attitude also tends to make the middle children the risk-takers, often participating in dangerous sports or choosing careers that have an element of danger and/or risks involved. They also like to do their own way when dealing with established ideas. They are innovators and thinkers.

Some famous middle children include J.F.K., Richard Nixon, Cindy Crawford, Madonna, Donald Trump, Barbara Walters, Michael Dell and Bill Gates. Each of these people is an example of just how successful middle children can become. Each of them have gone their own way and become role models for others.

A middle son does not receive the love of being the first pearl of the family. He does not have the attention of being the last seed of love in the family. He will always be compared to the earlier siblings and has to fight even for a new cloth (unless your father is a filthy rich). The life of middle son may not be easy, but the values you can learn from being a middle child are priceless. What does not kill us makes us stronger. I am sure glad to be born as a middle child.

How about you? Are you the first, middle or youngest child? Do you glad you are born in that order? What is your life experience that makes you stronger?

Bluecrystaldude

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27 comments:

Faisal Admar said...

i am the eldest and as the only son in the family. i'm pretty lucky :) he he he!

but that doesn't mean i'm always lucky. to be the eldest means to bear a lot of responsibilities too! i'm the one who my family depend on in finance... i'm the one who replace my father if there is any problem when he is not around and many more.

so it's not easy to be the eldest too! :)

fara said...

oh yes yes. a middle child. (sangat2 memahami)
im a 2nd out of 4. 2 girls in the middle while the youngest and eldest are boys.

well, hm.. it's fun to have someone to depend on and to look up upon, eg. my bro :)

but of course, comparisons are there.
and yes, apparently my bro sets the benchmark. i'll never get a car in my year of studying unless he gets a car. and i know, it's impossible for him to have a car - THERE unless he has loads of euros. hoho. oh well, time can wait ^^ (no big deal pun but i still wanna make an issue out of it)

rizal said...

hmm.. cant say i know how s the situation.. since i am the youngest in my family. But, i hear you. It s true though, the oldest and the youngest do have an upper hand.

But being the youngest too, i have to meet up with lots of expectations. What your first, second, third siblings can or cannot deliver, you have too. Since you are the youngest, your parents might have certain things they want you to do / be in which they failed to do so with your brothers / sisters. :)

love-n-hate said...

Aha!

Being the middle child has made me... more than anything... a extremely smart person.... Considering the fact that my elder sister is the 'first one' and my youngest one the 'baby of the family'... I feel like my parents haven’t invested much attention... and ‘care time’ on me.... I don’t feel that I’m the forgotten one... but I guess it’s kind of a flat out fight... so they can notice me a bit more.... huhuhu!

And, as I grew up in a family that believes that... education is one of the mainly things a person has to have... I’ve been trying my best to be an exceptional student.... I made them proud to have me as one of their 'lovely' children... It somehow works, but only at that 'glorious' time... :) and the cycle when back again.. I've to gain their attention by another 'proud' moment...

I’m always trying to learn new things... enhanced skills... so they will always refer to me in whatever they do... Instead of ask them to love me unconditionally...(which is impossible!.. I've tried that before..).. I've tried another approach, where they have to rely on me on things... in fact on most of major things (...bangga sket!)

It's true what you've said... All the comparison and all... It just one way or the other... I'll never give up to get their approval in whatever I'll do... (...hello, I'm 27yrs old, okay!)... It will always never as good or enough as the elder...

To be honest, I think there’s nothing I wouldn’t do... to make my parents see how wise I can be... I really hope they can see that... someday!

**But still... I wish I was born earlier... :) winkwink

bluedreamer27 said...

ha for me being the oldest was quite hard due to you got much higher reponsibilities but im so happy everytime they giving back the courtesy "REspecting and loving me" are they were so sweet hehe
have a great day blue

nisha said...

I think, elder or younger.. both should be loved equally by the parents.. but as a parent myself, its difficult to cope at times.. i can understand the situations my parents may have been in, infact all the parents..

I think though the elder is loved the most.. the younger is pampered the most.. remember the middle born is loved and pampered by parents and the other siblings( am the mid one) he he.. he/she has the most benefit and is balanced(no responsibility and no bullying by the others, coz the elder is there to take the resp and the younger is there to be bullied..

Faisal Admar said...

bro! where's the shout box? :P

ArMs said...

Hey dude... ensem boy ah you when you were small... harhar...

bluecrystaldude said...

Hi Faisal,

One thing that my father thought me well is about finance. Shouldering the responsibilities of financial is a family matter. But of course, it also depend on your siblings' economic state.

All of all, you are the eldest and the only son in the home. No wonder about it :)

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Hi fara,

Talk about comparison, my big brother has a car and couples more motorcycles (or so they said, I never saw any) and I am still have no vehicle. Sigh...

bluecrystaldude said...

Hi Rizal,

Yeah, right.. I remember my dad moody when I failed to get a straight A1 in my SPM (instead, I only had straight As). And my family also so not that happy

HOWEVER, when my younger brother got his result, (not a straight A1 nor straight As), he was welcome with congratulations and all

And how is that for setting the standard?

Sweetiepie said...

I am a first child,and my parent have always treated my younger sis better and got all the cool things maybe because she was daddy's girl or perhaps she is the youngest.But our relationship is good.I am glad that my parent never compare.I have three cousins who is the first and the last always get all the attention and the middle one get screwed because she always felt no one loves her.Maybe the youngest is the baby and the oldest was the first parent's baby.I think it's kinda sad for parents to treat their child this way.

FiSHY@iKe said...

Tell me about it, although in my family i was said by my older brother and my younger ones as the "special" one, but im always ended being the "invinsible" one. Its just too painful to write it down black and white, lets just say, im happy with my life, as when we're happy about it, whatever it would turn to, you are still happy with the outcome, :D

coolingstar9 said...

I am no 5, below me have 2. I think I quite near to middle.
I remember my elder and second one needed to carry some burden when I was a child. I felt sorry for them.
This is the nice post, hope your can come out a war for the middle.
Have a nice day.

neomesuff said...

from my observation ;-P..the second one are always the cautiously-weird-smart ones..hehhe..however it is..just be yrself..no matter how the family situation-treat is..

zackzara said...

Hello there Dude!

We often associate the mid-child as an attention seeker, perhaps because he/she are not being given enough or equal attention as the eldest and the youngest. Without we realize it, the mid-child always becomes the negotiator and problem solver. Parents looked up on the mid-child simply because they knew that the mid-child is a stronger person inside because he/she has his/her own way to get what he/she want from his/her parents. Normally, this mid-child try very hard to pleased his/her parents that he/she is equally good and as smart as the eldest and the youngest, although not all mid-child act as such. If you noticed, mid-child always try to play safe because he/she knew that if he/she screwed up, the blame is on him/her. No back up. Of course not all mid-child have this kinda war, it depends on case to case basis. Some would say that they have a good relationship with the siblings and the parents. Some are not. In my opinion, if the gaps in between the eldest-mid-youngest are years apart, probably the mid-child would get the equal attention as the rest, because parents have more time spent on the mid-child. If the gap in between are too close, year after another, that might explains of the mid-child war. But of course…it depends on the circumstances of the case. Oh..by the way, do you agree that mid-child is gifted with a dose of creative minds? *wink*

Oh, I am the 3rd out of 5 siblings, so that makes me a middle child.

bluecrystaldude said...

HI ALL, SORRY FOR BEING ABLE TO REPLY YOUR COMMENTS NOW. I AM BEING BUSY AS ALWAYS. :)

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Hi Love-n-Hate,

We indeed share the same view!

For me, I just want to have a chance to prove myself, which I did have it. As some may already know, my parents want me to be a doctor, but I chose Chemical Engineering (read more about it here)

So, I really hope that I will success in my chose path. Sigh.. It does not comes easy though. I hope you will success in what ever you do Nurin :D

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Hi Bluedreamer,

I agree with you. Respect and Love should always stay together. I think I have respect towards with siblings more than I was a kid. I am glad with it :)

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Hi Nisha,

LOL. I am just not sure whether I bullied my younger brother enough when we were a kid!

bluecrystaldude said...

Hi Faisal Admar,

My shout out box is at the center of this page, under About Me section. I hope you could find it

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Hi Arms,

My, thank you so much for your compliment. It is so kind of you. Hehe

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Hi Sweetiepie,

Parents should not compare their kids. I never agree with it. It is always kinda depressed to be compared with your elder or younger siblings, but if you are the one who being compared with, I don't think it is such a problem. Hehe. That being said, I still think it is unhealthy to compare your children

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Hi Fishy@ike,

I am glad you are back. hehe

People always blame others when they are screwed. I don't really like when people use that excuse. However, I do believe that family play an important step in the children growth. Whether it is psychology, mental or physical growth. A healthy family usually will ends up with healthy children. It is as simple as that

bluecrystaldude said...

Hi Coolingstar,

You remind me about a large family (I consider more than 4 siblings as a large family). The fight for love and attention is also fierce by them. I am glad mine is only three :)

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Hi Neomesuff,

I am glad you are back too!

Just to let you know, you are the one who are actually inspired me to write about this post. After those YMing of course. Hehe

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Hi Zara,

Hey, you finally made it! How do you manage to post a comment? I am very glad you did it~ Hehe

All your points are right to the target. I think that we will continue to impress our parents forever. It is not as bad as it might sound though. I believe that it is one of the few things that help us moving forward. As I said earlier in the post, those kind of values are rarely to find unless you are a middle son..

Oh, and I totally agree with you on how middle child is gifted with dose of creativeness. Hehe

bluedreamer27 said...

hello cutie blue
just dropping by here to say have agreat blogging day

zackzara said...

u...i still encounter those pop-up..so what i do is to quickly stop the page when i want to post a comment..so only then i can read all the entry and comment thereafter. but i have to do it really quick. damn fast. else..i will have to refresh again and the pop-up still pops! sigh. i wonder why the so-called access is denied!

bluecrystaldude said...

Hi Bluedreamer,

Thank you my friend. Hehe. I will try to update Hot Shit Form Here ASAP :)

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Hi Zara,

Well, I really really really appreciate it. LOL. It's hard to find an eager reader such you :D

Farah Deen said...

hmmm interesting! I am the youngest out of 2 siblings, which pretty much left me with 'either the first or the last' Me and my sister- just 1 year gap, not much. Do i like being the youngest? well, it's pretty much the same. We are very close now, more like friends. I think it doesn't matter much when there's just 2 of you in the family, in fact, you almost get everything you want from your parents. hahahahah the beauty of not having many siblings huh?

bluecrystaldude said...

Hi Farah,

Yeah! I also don't comfortable with the idea of having so many siblings. That being said, some people would not agree with me. They say it more meriah with a large family. Hehe.. I don't know for sure since I have only three, but according to mum, she prefer at least two more. She left all alone in the house after day works. My dad travels a lot. Hehe. Pity her. Oh, and she also wants a girl for exchange. LOL

penanya said...

sorry if my grammar laugh u all till dead...

being a middle children for me is good. im the first son of my family. and i've 2 brothers and 3 sisters.

i found that my little brother who being a middle children among his siblings made him more matured to decide something. he can compare me, as the oldest and his other younger siblings to create a new of his own identity.

he is very excellent in education, better than me.

he is more cool. better than me (demmit).

he has a lot of girls, better than me.

well. i guess ur points r right. but depend on situation and individual.

sometime he cannot refuse what i said. maybe because he respect me as im the oldest. but any arguement between me and him, if related to serious topic like the world issues, he will make a research (wikipedia is his favourite) to stregthen his points.

that is what i like about him.

err.. is this just a co-incident?

wow. i wrote in english! im impressed! HAHAHAHA

AngelBaby said...

I am a middle child too, so sad to be in the middle. I think I turned out pretty good considering. I had two older brothers and two younger brothers and one little sister. I was stuck right in the middle.

I have tagged you so stop by and check it out.

Love and Blessings,
AngelBaby

mangosteenskin said...

hi bluecrystaldude,

I'm 4th, out of 11. only at 5-6 i started to realize that i need to compete n work harder to gain attention. i hate the feelings coz sometimes it causes anger n jealousy especially to my younger sister, so i determined not to depend on my parents, n i don't want to compete with my other siblings to get loved. i began to look for other things to keep me occupied and entertained, such as reading, drawing or craft. i like school so much, becoz i got all the attentions from teachers n friends. i like home less, coz home means lot of chores waiting to be done, plus taking care of my younger siblings. can u imagine all the chores? even my mother can't cope it all alone, my older siblings had gone to hostels so i became the oldest, taking over the responsibilities.

the experience made me creative and indepent. somehow, i think being a middle child is an advantage.

bluecrystaldude said...

Hi Penanya,

Giler terharu.. Hehe.. Thanks for your comment. You could also write in BM you know.. I also have Malaysian readers. Hehe.. Oh, and I totally understand BM :D

Alamak.. He sounds like me. Hehehe.. Nevertheless, my big brother is more playboy than me, while my younger brother is a loyal relationship person.. Hehe

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Hi Angelbaby,

Thanks for tagging me! I will be right after this :)

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Hi Mango,

Wow.. I can't imagine your burden and responsibilities that need to be taken care off at tender a age. Plus, you have a big family. Tsk..

My dad always remind me to be competitive. I guess, in a way or other, I succeed in what he wanted. I love my family so much :)

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